Dead Technology

Ovechkin Rap

internet — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 04:33:30 +0000

Ovechkin raps about being Southeast Division Champion…I assume.

PHOTO FILM

internet — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 04:25:07 +0000

Shiiiiiiiii, Kodak filed for bankruptcy. This is a Kodak inventor hanging out with Thomas Edison.

Dead.

Grape BEER

internet — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 22:46:37 +0000

Apparently people make this. Sam Adams used to but stopped.

Here’s a mostly uninteresting video of two fats guys talking about it:

Wearable PC

internet — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 22:54:03 +0000

The morons behind this product – Xybernaut. This was a prototype in 2002, only about 4 years before the first generation iPhone was gearing up to be announced in January 2007.

It’s a great look as long as you are Tron.

If someone had a design contest for the most convoluted mobile computer ever, this would probably have to win. It’s like they were watching Back to the Future and figured they should design their product based off what 1985 thought 2002 should look like. In fact, they may have straight up stolen this from 1985.

High powered phones, Wii, Kinect, PS Move all make this concept very dead.

These Electric Razers and the Goatee Shaver

internet — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 02:16:49 +0000

I am convinced these were a “Fuck You” to consumers – A device that literally does not work and does not acknowledge this fact. They only remove hair if you have a beard and feel like ripping your face off. They have now been replaced by much more advanced electric razers that also don’t work.

Also, this goatee shaver is the worst invention. a) Goatees generally make your face look like a dirty vagina. b) This makes you look like a terrifying murderer – who would probably rip someone’s face of with an electric razer – while at the same time exhibiting that you are unable to shave your own fucking face.

Dead and better Die.

The Justin Bieber Haircut

internet — Thu, 24 Feb 2011 01:14:18 +0000

This was a really weird thing and only lasted about two years. It is officially dead.

Someone needs to tell Pacquiao:

Don’t worry though. The Bowl Cut is still legit.

Sandwich Makers

internet — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 17:41:29 +0000

This is another product that is a waste of space – more of a dead application. First off, they don’t make you a sandwich, they ruin them. Have you ever eaten a sandwich from one of these things? It turns the bread into dried out cardboard.

Second, this is the same technnology that can be employed for all purpose grills. With the simple use of multiple insertions, geniouses like George Forman allow lazy people everywhere to cook pretty much anything.

In fact, sandwiches are probably the least appropriate thing to cook with these devices. Its like the episode of the Simposons where Principal Skinner’s mother is selling a candy bowl and when it is suggested that the bowl could be used for several purposes, she shouts “Candy only!”. Basically what I’m trying to get at here is that Hamilton Beach, Kenmore etc. are Principal Skinner’s mom.

Dead.

T9 Texting

internet — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 20:35:07 +0000

Yeah a lot of people still have phones that use T9 to text. A lot of people also still have Gonorrhea too.

This predictive technology is shit and inconsistant phone to phone. Phones with full keyboards are now accessible so unless you’re tired of accidentally asking your buddies if “they want some dick”, switch over.

DEAD.

Hey YOP!, Fuck You

internet — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 20:20:10 +0000

This shit comes in too small of bottles! Where did this 90s French street gang get such a big bottle?

Yop, a delicious watered down yogurt. Really only slightly more drinkable than regular yogurt and mostly due to the bottle.

Kanye West -Let You Finish

internet — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 20:16:51 +0000

I actually believe this is the best song involving Kanye and Auto-Tune.

This has been out a while, I believe the credit goes to the Auto-tune the News people.